Let’s be honest: Nigerians are dramatic, expressive, and delightfully suspicious of anything that glows, blinks, or spins for no just reason. So when a Nigerian first encounters a K-pop concert filled with thousands of fans waving colorful, spaceship-looking gadgets in synchronized unity, there are two likely responses: “Ahn-ahn, is this spiritual?” or “Which kind juju be this one?”

But if we were to truly give these light sticks the good ol’ Nigerian classification, they would definitely not pass as mere "fan merch." They would be weapons of mass spiritual destruction.

Let’s take a playful look at how Nigerians might label some of the most iconic K-pop light sticks:

BTS – ARMY Bomb

With a name like “ARMY Bomb,” do you even blame us? Nigerians would likely assume this is something you throw during midnight prayers to scatter the enemy camp. Glowing white like a prophetic revelation, it’d be found on the same shelf as anointing oil and "My Father! My Father!" prayer books because of the resemblance to a Holy Ghost Fire Grenade.

BLACKPINK – BI-ping Bong

This one looks soft and pretty, but Nigerians know that it’s always the pink ones that sting the most. With BLACKPINK’s “savage but classy” energy, this light stick would be the ultimate “discipline device” your mom wields when you say or do nonsense during a NEPA blackout. Don’t let the heart shapes fool you—it's a hammer of coded violence. A real Pink Koboko (Hot Knock Edition)

EXO – EXO Light Stick

EXO’s light stick is sleek, powerful, and gives strong “Don’t play with me, young man” vibes. It’s what a high-ranking babalawo or Sunday school teacher would lift while quoting “Touch not my anointed” during spiritual warfare. One swing and you’re falling under Holy Ghost influence, even if it’s just fangirling. It has a resemblance to a typical Yoruba Elder’s Walking Staff.

TWICE – Candy Bong

This candy-colored light stick is sweet to look at, but Nigerians know sugar and sweet can easily deceive you. It's the deceptive weapon of an aunty at a wedding who looks sweet but will deliver a fast backhand when you call her “old.” It’s also perfect for warding off your clingy cousin who sticks to you during maddening heat with style and sass. It’s a real definition of “My Auntie’s Fan That Turns into Sense Installation Tool.”

Stray Kids – Nachimbong

Looking like something LASTMA would wave at 2 a.m. This edgy, tough-looking light stick screams, “Oga, park well!” It’s rugged and has street energy, and if you flash it in Mushin without warning, someone might think you're an undercover SARS officer because it’s giving Area Boy Flashlight Baton and an indication to hide your head.

SEVENTEEN – Carat Bong

It sparkles, it blinks, and it has no chill. The Carat Bong is what Nigerian MCs would carry into any owambe to announce, “Ladies and gentlemen, if you are not ready to spray money, please vacate the dance floor.” It commands respect and gives spiritual party vibes. DJ, play me the beat!

In conclusion, while K-pop fans see light sticks as expressions of love, rhythm, and community, Nigerians might lovingly and loudly ask, “Please, what are they fighting?” One thing’s for sure—if K-pop concerts ever come to Lagos, security might double-check just to be sure these fans aren’t carrying coded weapons in their hands and bags.

However, whether spiritual or stylish, one thing connects us all: we love drama, light, and a little extra, and that’s totally okay!