Sometimes I sit down and wonder, what if my fave K-pop idols didn’t grow up in fancy Seoul apartments with voice coaches and dietitians, but had one Nigerian auntie in their life? Just one. Everything about their vibe would’ve changed. Not the talent, that one is God-given, but the delivery?

Let me paint you the picture.

That Debut Look? It Wouldn’t Have Made It Past Her Door. 

Imagine your fave idol walking out in their debut outfit, crop top, lip ring, pink highlights, and eyeliner sharp enough to cut bread. Auntie would pause, look up from her bowl of ogbono, and go, “So you mean this is the music you left engineering for? This is the hair you did for your ancestors?” Even the stylist would quit. She’d take one look hand the child a wrapper and say, “Tie this. Let us start afresh.”

The Way She’ll Introduce Them to the Neighbors?  

Forget press conferences or V Lives. Nigerian aunties don’t do soft launches. She will be like “You see this one? He’s the number two in that their Korean band. What’s their name again? Shiny? No no no, it’s Shinee. Yes. That’s the one. He can dance. And sing. And jump like this!” then proceeds to almost dislocate her hip while mimicking the choreography she clearly misremembered. And if any neighbor acts unimpressed? Prepare to hear “Go and bring your own child first. Let me see something.”

Comeback Season Will Turn to Fasting Season  

If your fave is prepping for a comeback, just know Auntie is somewhere declaring a three-day dry fast. Not for the music, but because she will say “Every time I open this your Instagram, you are showing waist. Is that what they are teaching you in Korea?” And God forbid the idol says they are tired or depressed. Auntie will give them one look and say, “Depression? When I was your age, I was selling rice, watching four children and studying for WAEC. Please, drink malt and sleep.”

She’ll Start Collecting Their Fan Gifts and Hoarding Them  

The fans sent your idol a Chanel bag? A custom artwork? A hand-knitted scarf? The moment that package lands, Auntie has claimed it while saying something like “Don’t worry, I’ll help you keep it safe,” and then poses with it in her Sunday service group chat. And if someone asks where she got it from, she’ll smile and say, “My son is in Korea. He sings. You know BTS? Something like that.”

Honestly, if my fave idol had a Nigerian Auntie? They would be unstoppable. Because no scandal, no sasaeng, and no vocal strain can stand up to the power of one proud, no-nonsense, emotionally blackmailing, church-choir-leading Nigerian auntie.

And to be fair? They’d probably end up with a better fashion sense, stronger bones (from all the forced malt and milk), and a thousand new siblings from Auntie’s endless introductions.

Now tell me, which K-pop idol do you think needs a Nigerian Auntie in their life? I already have some candidates.